rogerspocket (rogerspocket) wrote,
rogerspocket
rogerspocket

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Stories!

My sister Dana stumbled across some stories I wrote, and some by my sister Jessica, back in 8th grade. Funny stuff. For the record, this is all unaccurate. No one is gay, no one has a big ass, no one is a sorceress, but Devon is a conehead. Here ya go:

HAYLEY'S STORY-BY LEAH
IT WAS A SUNSHINY DAY IN ANTARCTICA, AND HAYLEY SARGENT WALKED INTO A SHOE
STORE WITH HER CAT, KITTY. AS SHE WAS TRYING ON HER FAVORITE DOG COLLAR WITH
DIAMOND SPIKES, KITTY RAN INTO HAYLEY'S DRESSING ROOM AND BIT HER NECK. BLOOD TRICKLED DOWN FROM HER NECK AS THE VAMPIRE CAT ATE HER BREAKFAST. AS YOU KNOW, WHEN A VAMPIRE CAT SUCKS BLOOD FROM YOUR NECK, YOU TOO BEGIN TO BEHAVE LIKE THE VAMPIRE THAT BIT YOU.HAYLEY DROPPED DOWN IMMEDIATELY, COLLAR AND ALL, AND BEGAN TO RUN ON HER HANDS AND FEET. SHE HISSED LIKE A CAT WOULD AND JUMPED OUT A WINDOW AND LANDED IN A GARBAGE CAN. KITTY FOLLOWED HER. A HOMELESS PERSON FOUND THESE TWO...ODD...ANIMALS AND WAS BITEN TOO. TOGETHER THE THREE TRIUMPHED OVER EVIL, BUT WHEN THEY WENT FOR THE GOOD GUYS, THEY WERE TAKEN BY THE POLICE AND PUT TO SLEEP. THEIR FRESH CARCASSES WERE SENT TO A LOCAL SEAFOOD RESTAURANT AND THEY WERE COOKED. UNFORTUNATELY, THE PERSON WHO ATE HAYLEY AND KITTY TURNED INTO THE VAMPIRE DEMON, HITTLEY! AND IN THE END, HAYLEY WENT OUT FOR A REGULAR DAY, SHOPPING FOR A DOG COLLAR, BUT WAS COOKED AND EATEN. HITTLEY WILL PICK UP WHERE THEY LEFT AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

DEVON'S STORY-BY LEAH
IT WAS A BLIZZARDY DAY AND DEVON WAS KILLING ANTS. HE TOOK OFF HIS SPECTACLES AND TURNED TO KELPY (KERI, HIS EX GIRLFRIEND). HIS CONEHEAD WAS SO ENORMOUS THAT KELPY FELT THE URGE TO WINDEX IT WITH HER ORANGE PANTS. SHE SHINED HIS HEAD. HE WENT OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW. KELPY LAID DEVON DOWN IN THE SNOW. SHE TURNED HIM AS YOU WOULD A SCREW AND THEY TUNNELED THEIR WAY THROUGH THE SNOW. AT SOMETIMES, A CONEHEAD IS VERY USEFUL. THEY MET UP WITH A PACK OF HYIENAS AND RAN TO AFRICA. DEVON MET HIS FAMILY THERE. KELPY ATE A SNICKERS BAR. THEN SUDDENLY, A BLIZZARD WAS IN AFRICA AND A HERD OF CATTLE TRAMPLED DEVON AND KELPY AND INJURED THEM SEVERELY. AS DEVON LAY, HE WHISPERED HIS FETISH, "DIAPERS AND LOLLIPOPS."

THE ODD STORY JESSICA WROTE-BY JESSICA
TWICE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A BOY NAMED ADAM. WELL, ADAM HAD A VERY DISTURBED LIFE. ONE DAY HE WAS DRIVING HIS CAR SMOKING HIS BONG. HE PICKED UP HIS BEST FRIEND "PIMP HENRY". THEY CRUISED DOWN TO TJ. ON THE WAY THERE THEY SAW COYOTES JUMPING ON TRAMPOLINES AND EATING PICKLES. ADAM PULLED OVER AND PIMP HENRY HOPPED OUT. AS THE PIMP WAS CROSSING THE ROAD, A TURTLE RIDING IN A SHOE BOX WITH WHEELS RAN INTO HIM. THE PIMP FLEW INTO THE AIR AND LANDED ON A CONE. OMG!!!!! IT WAS DEVON'S HEAD! THE PIMP ATTACKED DEVON AND RIPPED OFF HIS LEGS. THEN HE SAW KERI AND DID THE SAME. PIMP HENRY THEN BECAME A HERO.

A DAY IN LAKESIDE-BY JESSICA
ONE DAY BRANDON BRACKROG WAS WALKING AROUND LAKESIDE.WHILE HE WAS WALKING PAST 7-11, HE RAN INTO A BEAST. IT HAD RED EYES, LONG SHARP TEETH, A HUGE ASS, AND AN UGLY FACE. "OMG!!," SAID BRANDON," WHITNEY COLLINS!" THE BEAST MOVED CLOSER TO HIM AND TRIED TO CLAW OUT HIS EYES. SCREAMING LIKE A GIRL, BRANDON RAN OFF LEAVING HIS HIGH-HEELS BEHIND. WHEN HE FINALLY GOT AWAY FROM THE BEAST, HE NOTICED HE WAS AT EL CAP HIGH SCHOOL.THE SMELL OF ANIMAL POOP FILLED THE AIR. "YEP I'M AT EL CAP ALRIGHT." HE WAS WALKING AROUND CAMPUS WHEN SUDDENLY JENNI JOHNSON JUMPED OUT AT HIM. "WOW," SAID BRANDON, "YOU SURE DO LOOK LIKE A RAT." JENNI WAS SHOCKED. "SOMEONE ACTUALLY LIKES ME AND THINKS I'M PRETTY!" QUICKLY JENNI TRIED TO THINK OF A WAY TO SEDUCE HIM. SHE SAT IN A BUSH AND SCREAMED LIKE A MONKEY. THIS REALLY SCARED BRANDON AND HE HOPPED ON HIS MAGIC SCOOTER AND ZOOMED AWAY. HE STUMBLED UPON A LAKE THAT HAD DUCKS AND WHAT LOOKED LIKE MANY BUMS AND CHILD MOLESTERS. THE LAKE LOOKED FUN SO HE STRIPPED OFF ALL HIS CLOTHES(PINK BOXERS AND ALL) AND WENT SWIMMING. AFTER A WHILE HE GOT SICK OF SWIMMING AND LEFT THE LAKE. HE STARTED ON HIS WAY HOME AND NOTICED THAT HIS MAGICAL SCOOTER WASN'T BEING VERY MAGICAL ANYMORE BECAUSE IT WAS OUT OF GAS. SO HE STOPPED AT THE 7-11 TO GET MORE GAS. THE BEAST WAS GONE AND THERE WAS
BLOOD AND BITS OF BODY PARTS EVERYWHERE. BRANDON WAS VERY THANKFUL THAT HE HADN'T GOTTEN KILLED BY THE WHITNEY COLLINS. HE FILLED HIS MAGICAL SCOOTER UP WITH GAS AND WENT HOME!

THE COLOR GUARD BOY-BY LEAH
MARK WAS IN THE COLOR GUARD. HE WAS A RATHER MACHO BOY AND DID RATHER MACHO THINGS. FOR EXAMPLE, WHILE PERFORMING AT A LOCAL BANJO CLUB, HE WORE A TIGHT PINK AND PURPLE LEOTARD AND DANCED WITH HIS DAZZLING FLAGS. MIRACULOUSLY, MARK GREW WINGS AND CAPE. HE WAS THEN KNOWN AS "COLOR BOY!". COLOR BOY BROKE A WINDOW AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW. THERE HE MET A PRETTY BUTTERFLY AND A FLYING FLOWER. HE HELD THE FLOWER AND ENJOYED ITS FOUL FRAGRANCE. JUST THEN!!, HIS WINGS SHRUNK AND HE FELL INTO THE QUILLIAN HOME. WITH HIS SEXY LEGS, HE TRIED TO SHOW OFF TO THE BEAUTIFUL MAIDEN, MICHELLE. SHE GAVE HIM A "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU" LOOK AND A "GET AWAY FROM ME" GLARE. DISAPPOINTED BY BEING TURNED DOWN BY HIS ONE TRUE LOVE, THE COLOR BOY WENT TO HIS HOUSE, WHICH WAS ODDLY NEXT DOOR, AND WROTE HER A LETTER. THE PRETTY BUTTERFLY PAID HIM A VISIT. HE HAD THE BUTTERFLY DELIEVER THE LETTER FOR HIM. BECAUSE MICHELLE LOVES BUTTERFLIES SO MUCH, SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH THE BUTTERFLY AND MARRIED HIM. MARK, HOWEVER, GREW UP LONELY AND DIED AN OLD SCAG.

KAREN'S STORY-BY LEAH
ONE WICKEDLY EVIL NIGHT, KAREN WAS BREWING UP A POISON FOR LEAH THE CONSUME. HENRY RAN INTO THE KITCHEN AND ATE HER ANKLES. SHE WALKED AROUND WITH STUBS FOR LEGS. JUST THEN!!, A SWARM OF BEES ATTACKED HER. THEY STUNG HER "GROWTH", AND IT SWELLED AND TOOK OVER HER FACE. AS MUCH AS MICHELLE LOVES COLORING, SHE DREW A FACE FOR HER NEW MOTHER. LEAH INJECTED SOME OF THE POISON INTO THE SWELLING GROWTH AND IT WENT AWAY. SUDDENLY!, AN ENT TOOK HER HOSTAGE. SHE WAS BURIED IN CEMENT. SOME FLOWERS GREW FROM HER HAIR AND SOME DOGS PEED ON THEM. MEANWHILE, AT CUCUMBER CLUB, ROY WAS DANCING DIRTY WITH KYLE AND THEY HEARD A SHRIEK. MICHELLE SAW A SPIDER COME FROM KAREN'S NOSE. KAREN GOT OUT OF THE CEMENT AND DID HER MAKE UP. DAD CARRIED KYLE OUT OF THE CLUB WITH A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS. THEY SPIT ON KAREN AND BOUGHT A PONY FOR LEAH. THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

SUMMARY OFF ALL STORIES SO FAR--BY LEAH
THESE GUYS WERE ON A TRAIN WITH HITTLEY AND KELPY IN AFRICA. THEN THEY DECIDED TO GO TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH. KELPY SET UP DEVON AND PUT A CHAIR ON HIS BUTT BECAUSE HE HAS NO LEGS THANKS TO PIMP HENRY. THEY ALL SAT ON HIM AND THEY TUNNELED TO THE DEMON'S LAIR. THERE SHE SAT; JESSICA HAS A PHONE AND TAPPED ON HER TOILET ON WHICH SHE SAT UPON. AS SOON AS DEVON SAW JESSICA, HE BEGAN TO THINK ABOUT DIAPERS AND LOLLIPOPS. ADAM BROUGHT HIS COYOTES WITH HIM AND THEY ALL ATE PICKLES AND JUMPED ON TRAMPOLINES. PIMP HENRY TOOK WHAT WAS LEFT OF DEVON AND KELPY. HE SET THEM ADRIFT IN A RIVER OF FIRE. JUST THEN!!!, THE ENT THAT KIDNAPPED ROY AND KYLE WHILE THEY WERE DANCING DIRTY AT THE CUCUMBER CLUB, ATE DEVON AND KELPY AND SPIT THEM OUT INTO THE SEA. THERE THEY FLOATED. JESSICA FLUSHED HER TOILET AND SAT ON DEVON'S FLOATING, LIVING BODY. PIMP HENRY SAT ON KELPY. THEY BOTH ATE A SANDWHICH THEN HITTLEY ATTACKED THEM ALL.THEY TURNED INTO DEMON ANIMALS AND WORSHIPPED THEIR LORD, HITTLEY!


THE ASS THAT KILLED THEM ALL-BY LEAH
ONE FINE, GLAMOROUS, WONDERFUL DAY, SARAH WAS AT THE GYM!...AND WAS RUNNING UP AND DOWN STAIRS. JUST THEN!!, AND ERUPTION IN THE EARTH STARTED; SARAH WAS WALKING HOME. SHE SAT DOWN AND FELL INTO THE CENTER OF THE WORLD. SHE SAW SOME HYIENAS EATING PICKLES AND JUMPING ON A TRAMPOLINE. SHE DECIDED TO JOIN THEM AND EAT PICKLES. SHE LOADED UP ON THE PICKLES. HER BUTT GREW 3 SIZES TOO LARGE. SHE GOT ON THE TRAMPOLINE AND IT RIPPED. WHEN SHE HIT THE GROUND, IT CRACKED. SHE THEN ENTERED THE DEMON'S LAIR. SHE NEEDED TO USE THE BATHROOM.LUCKILY, THE DEMON WAS DANCING DIRTY WITH KYLE AND ROY SO SHE COULD USE HER TOILET. SARAH GREW A TAIL AND FELT RELIEVED. HER BUTT SHRUNK SLIGHTLY. SHE STARTED WALKING...OH MY!!..THERE WAS KAREN. SHE PICKED A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS AND PLANNED ON GIVING THEM TO ROY TO GIVE TO KYLE. SHE SHOOK THE EARTH AS SHE RAN TO THE CUCUMBER CLUB. LITTLE DID THEY KNOW, THEY WERE ALL CHILDREN OF HITTLEY.HITTLEY RAN TOWARDS SARAH. HITTLEY COULD NOT FIND SARAH'S NECK, SO SHE BIT THE FIRST THING IN SIGHT-HER ASS! AS SHE BIT AND CHEWED HARD...BOOOM!!....THE BUTT EXPLODED. PICKLES FLEW EVERYWHERE. EVERYONE, EVEN ABOVE SURFACE, WAS CAUGHT IN THE EXPLOSION. IT WAS A TRAGIC ENDING. EVERYONE DIED.

DANA THE SORCERESS-BY LEAH
DANA IS IMMORTAL. SHE SURVIVED THE CHAOTIC EXPLOSION. SHE FLEW INTO SPACE. SHE CASTED A REVIVAL SPELL ON EVERYONE...INCLUDING THE EARTH ITSELF. SHE ATE
PEANUTS AND TRAVELED DOWN TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. SHE GATHERED ALL THE
PICKLES AND PACKED THEM TIGHT BACK INTO SARAH'S ASS. SHE GRABBED HER SEWING
MACHINE AND SEWED HER BUTT BACK TOGETHER. WITH HER BUTT HALF HEALED, SHE
CASTED A CURE SPELL. SARAH AWOKE...DAZZED AND CLUELESS. THEN DANA SAW ADAM, HER ONE TRUE BONG LOVE. HOWEVER, PIMP HENRY GUARDED ADAM. HE GROWLED AND FLEW FOR HER LEGS. SHE DODGED THE PIMP AND WENT TO LAKESIDE, STOLE BRANDON'S MAGIC SCOOTER, AND GAVE IT TO SARAH SO SHE COULDN'T CRACK THE EARTH ANYMORE. ODDLY, DANA HAD A FETISH FOR DIAPERS AND LOLLIPOPS JUST AS DEVON DID.SHE FOUND HIS BODY AND THE DEMON SITTING ON HIM. SHE GRABBED JESSICA AND THREW HER AT HITTLEY. HITTLEY ATE JESSICA'S HAIR AND JESSICA WAS THEN BALD FOR LIFE. DANA TOOK HOLD OF DEVON AND AMPUTATED HIS ARMS SO HE COULDN'T WALK AWAY ON THEM. SHE FOUND HIM VERY USEFUL FOR DRILLING. SHE WAS A CONTRUCTION WORKER AND NEEDED A NEW JACKHAMMER. HE NOW BELONGED TO HER. ROY AND KYLE GOT TIRED AND STOPPED DANCING DIRTY. THEY WENT AND FLEW ON A COCKROACH TO THEIR HOME IN NEW ZEALAND. KEPLY WAS LEFT ALONE FLOATING. SHE DROWNED AND WAS EATEN BY FISH BECAUSE HER HAIR WAS LIKE KELP. DANA STOPPED HER CONSTRUCTION TEMPORARILY AND FOUND THE ENT THAT KIDNAPPED KAREN. SHE CONGRATULATED HIM AND CAST A MONEY SPELL ON HIM...MONEY NOW GREW ON TREES. HE WAS FOREVER FORTUNATE. KAREN DIED
OF OLD AGE. MICHELLE LIVED LIFE ETERNALLY WITH HER BUTTERFLY AND BRANDON
MARRIED THE DEMON. THANKS TO DANA'S DOINGS...EVERYONE SORT OF LIVED HAPPILY
EVERAFTER.
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